Tuesday, December 8, 2009

News Sillies - I Say Tomato, You Say To-mah-to.....

.....Sarah Palin says "duck!".
In National news:
Seems some goofy Norwegian(named Olsen, no less)flung a couple of vegetables(to say fruits would be another point of debate, and not politically correct anyway), at the former pinup Governor, at a book signing in the Mall of America.... I've been to Minnesota many times during the winter. As in Fairbanks, with the short days, such behavior is not uncommon there this time of the year, and tends to escalate until the summer thaw actually......He probably should have packed some lefse, Old Style, and ludefisk, and gone ice fishing instead of to the mall.....

As an afterthought, there was a little research blurb in Yahoo News this morning. It was titled "Your Love Life Is In Your Hands"........
I assume they were referring to those droughts we all tend to experience, but then any number of teenage boys could have told us that.

On the local front:
The Houston Fire Department held a press conference today to announce the results of their investigation into accusations of departmental discrimination in the wake of racism and sexism claims by two female firefighters, one white, the other black, who reported incidents they claim were intended to intimidate them. At the news conference, the HFD official said that there were no widespread problems in the department.......it has been rumored, that a few others within the rank and file while agreeing with the report, suggested that as a way to improve morale in the department, it would be a good faith effort on the part of management to hire more white males, and fewer women, blacks, and don't ax, don' tells, yankees, and Katrina refugees.

(As a disclaimer I must add that I have the utmost admiration, and respect and appreciation of the job that most first responders do) I have heard stories of some others - from people who should know.....

And in traffic.......in a story reminiscent of the Vicad's propensity to create a story where there is none, there is a report of a car in the bayou, near Chimney Rock and Hillcroft. I say "story where there isn't one", because as anybody who drives in Houston traffic on a regular basis knows, traffic is usually light in the bayou at that time of the day anyway.

Then there is the unfolding Tiger Woods saga......seems two more women have come forward, one a Waffle House waitress and the other a porn star, to claim their own spot in line in the Tiger by the tail tryst chronicles. To compound Tiger's woes, at 2:30 AM EST, his milf-in-law was transported to the same hospital Tiger was on Friday, complaining of stomach pains. Rumors are that she actually choked on a Swedish meatball, when Tiger's wife told her how much he was offering her to stay married to him and to not leave him. In the ensuing confusion, she was injured when Elin attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her with a nine iron........

8 comments:

Edith Ann said...

Love it! Especially the Tiger Woods stuff.

Best things I've heard--on SNL, "Tiger Woods hit a tree and women fell out." and on Inside Edition last night--"Tiger Woods is now 9 over par."

Hysterical. I have no sympathy for a cheatin' husband. I don't care who you are.

Sugar Magnolia said...

Ahhhhh. I may have to go to the hospital with belly pains from laughing so damned hard, Pilot!

Jeezus, what a mess.

And, Olsen? You go, little Swedish (or Norwegian, or whatever) boy. I never liked Palin from day one. Precisely the moment McCain announced her as his pick of running mate, I knew it was over for his shot at president. The woman is such an embarrassment, it is unreal. I wish she would just go away. But like this Tiger thing, I have a feeling it's gonna be around much longer and get much nastier in the days to come.

The Loon said...

EA – Nine over par and in the rough.
SM – Her time's ticking away.

Truth Ferret said...

I heard that Tiger's count was up to nine...wonder what the par is on that ninth hole?

Would you use a woody or a putter?

Sorry, but it is too funny.

Well, I wonder if that old gasoline ad was still around about, "Get a tiger in your tank" would all the girls be lined up to get his full service?

Just hope that his wife gets tested for any little extras that Tiger might have brought home to her. You know those pesky little bugs that unfaithful hubbies bring home from as souveniors from their safaris in the underbrush.

Edith Ann said...

Ahhh!!! Truth Ferret! You're making me blush.

Palin's got a book to sell. And a republican party to piss off.

"because as anybody who drives in Houston traffic on a regular basis knows, traffic is usually light in the bayou at that time of the day anyway." Too, too funny!

Edith Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Truth Ferret said...

I actually made your blush, Edith? Wow and that wasn't my best jab at the sweet little puddy cat, such a lying around cheater.

Sugar Magnolia said...

Yeah, I know you've probably heard this before, but here it is again, just because it's so damned funny:

Tiger Woods' wife no longer calls him "Tiger". She calls him...

"LION CHEETAH"!!