Thursday, October 15, 2009

Where The News Stops and "Reality" Starts...I Smell Oprah...

Second news story today I have seen that blurs the line between what is real, and what is "reality". Seems the little kid that was "missing" after he supposedly was whisked away in his daddy's hot air balloon, that the whole world and internet followed on CNN, Twitter, ABCBSNBCFOX.......etc, as choppers were scrambled, and the stories of how he stowed away in first, the balloon, then in a revised story by his brother, in a box attached to the balloon, all the while the kid was hiding in the family's attic.
Now on the surface, this all looked like a newsworthy story didn't it?
.......But Wait! This same family was recently one of the two featured families in the low rent network farce "Wife Swap"........... Some people apparently just aren't content with a single "fifteen minutes of fame", so to speak. Does anyone else doubt that these camera hog hams will be front and center on GMA, and the other morning shows tomorrow?

Maybe that smell wasn't Oprah after all......could have just as easily been Wolf Blitzer, or Larry King...........

On the other hand, as I sit here unemployed and going through my savings and retirement, I suddenly realize, that I am only one goofy ass story away from being front page news, and all the networks beating my door down, and offering me cash for crap. Whaddya think......dirty laundry? a UFO story? maybe a story about how George W. and I shot pool and smoked weed and did tequila shooters way back when in Midland.

Yer Doin' a Heckuva Job Me

Did I miss something? Is there an interim unscheduled election coming up? What the hell is Obama doing in New Orleans, yanking off the populace there? Uh, I faintly recall a hurricane there back in what was it, 2005? Let's face it. A dirty city that needed a good flushing, got just that. Get over it, and put away your tin cups, and get on with your lives. I challenge you to go to the Rita ravaged Golden Triangle today and see how many Texans are standing around with their hands out. Or better yet, come to Galveston next summer, and enjoy the surf, or the fishing, or the dining or a show at the opera House, but don't look for Fema folks doling out cash still.

I went through Audrey, Carla, Beulah, Celia, Alicia, Allison, and Ike, to name just a few. Funny, back in those days, I never heard the word FEMA. I saw lots of churches and Boy Scout Troops, and a lot more of neighbors helping each other, and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and getting on with life, despite all of God's little speed bumps. What I did not see, was any Texans crying for Federal handouts, wasting said handouts on flat screen TVs instead of an repaired home, nor did I see a bunch of scam artists, (including guv'mint payrolled officials) trying to make a quick buck from the money the rest of us paid in taxes that ended up in the hands of those crooks.

I hear where Obama is due in College Station tomorrow. Something tells me that unless he has sold tickets to a pre-determined, select group there, he may get a bit of a different reception among the corpsmen, and salt of the earth ranchers and farmers, than he got in the Wards of NOLA.

Your WHAT Exploded? Oh, Your Water Balloons.....

Okay, this is where I get to do my George Carlin skit.....Tits, ta-tas, jugs, boobs, funbags, knockers......and my personal favorite name, which I bestowed on my ex's puppies, "lefty and big boy"....... Now how often do I get to lead into a story with such descriptive language?

Now that I have sent the children asking mom what I'm talking about, and causing said moms to blush and try to compose themselves, I'll attempt to grab a gut full of stick and pull back hard and see if I can climb out of this dive. I will apologize and explain up front, that I just used the words for an attention getter, and that I am not a breast man.....despite the fact that in the late seventies and early eighties, I was the first one to turn down the A/C or pray for a good norther. How times(and styles) change....That said, this may be as a shock to many of you, but this is not a sexual story, but rather a medical one. One thing is for certain, had this blog appeared in the Advocate, it would already be on the cutting room floor, don't you think?

Okay, time to get down to business......if that is even possible after the lead in paragraph.

There is a story on the news channels today that I caught a bit of early, regarding a woman who upon diving(a belly/boob flopper actually, I later discovered), complained of severe pain and once transported to the hospital, discovered that her breast implants had ruptured upon impact with the surface of the water after leaping from a cliff. Now I don't know about you, but to me, this gal was apparently the victim of a dad who never allowed her to play with water balloons, and also apparently managed to be absent on some critical days in both her middle school physical science and high school physics classes. Duh. Let's face it, while there are undoubtedly some reasons after say a radical mastectomy, that a woman would choose to undergo reconstructive surgery including implants, this one was simply a case of vanity and stupidity combined. I learned in a follow-up report, that the gal was appearing in one of those skin or skin tight reality obstacle course shows when this incident took place. This story, pretty much reflects in my opinion, the inflated and superficial society that we have come to accept as normal of late.

I for one, will be the first to admit that my head can be turned by the sight of a healthy and attractive woman, be she eighteen or seventy eight. Just ask either of my first two wives...... But I will say that despite the accepted fact that men don't make eye contact with women because "breasts don't have eyes".....and that whether you are one who is attracted to massive Morganna mammaries, or one who is of the of the old school thinking that anything more than a mouth full is a waste, society in general puts way too much emphasis on aesthetics and on the perfect female(or male) body being of a certain shape and size. In the long run, what it does is contribute to some serious self esteem issues with a lot of beautiful girls and women and create a false industry of consumers who pay billions of dollars for promises of a skinnier waist, bigger boobs, or a longer thicker pecker, when in fact, what God gave all of us, is quite sufficient, and actually just what someone out there would be happy to see on their partner.........

It ain't about how much you paid for the tools......It's about how much you have learned about how to get the most out of them.