Four, Three, Two.....Liftoff?

I think some of the media outlets are using Wall Street math to determine the end of the decade. I am seeing more and more "decade in review" stories, including in the Houston Chronicle. Uh......I hate to have to be the one to burst their bubble, in particular, the ones arguing that the decade started in 2000, so consequently, it ends in 2009. These people remind me of some of the grammar optional commenters who provide daily entertainment for the masses online, then when pinned down, respond with "hey, this ain't rocket surgery".......
Yes, the decade started at the END of 2000....and completed it's first year Jan.1, 2001. Last time I pulled out the abacus, and considered when the first year ended, then moved ten buttons, the end of the decade was at the end of the 10th year.......not the 9th. When our first grade teachers had us do the count to ten drill, how many of you started with zero and ended with nine? Like I said - Wall Street math......no money down, no credit check, and no payments until 2012.......no shit. On the other hand, I suppose it's easy to overlook that year of "no payments", huh? That is until you notice that by the time you start making those monthly notes, you start to notice that the cat has already shredded the end of that "new" sofa, or that the Chevy already has 40,000 miles on it, and is starting to make some funny noises and really pulls to the left...........

Fly Naked.........

.....which will likely eventually lead to a lot more passengers flying "united" (and not all of them necessarily on United jets). Seriously, can you think of a better answer? The body scan x-ray machine you say? well, first, when Nigerian Akumba Matata boarded his last flight in Amsterdam, enroute to becoming a martyr and celebrity, he allegedly was screened by one of the new "pecker checker" devices, and nothing was found. I say rather than spending billions on screening devices, just make all passengers surrender their clothing and board naked. Maybe issue them a unisex disposable jumpsuit to travel in, and let that be that. That should pretty much take all the guesswork out of flying, huh? It might cause a bit of a stir at first, and put a dent in air travel for a spell, but you have to believe that it will be a cheap solution in more ways than one. To begin with, unless I misread the part of the Islamic law I thought I read, it is unlikely any of the potential bomb carrying culprits will be allowed according to their religious beliefs, to board a plane in the buff. Of all the species of animals on the planet, maybe this is the catalyst that will give the one holdout, pause to reflect over the silly need they have to feel like they should cover what they were born with, which coincidentally, is the same equipment every other passenger on the flight was born with as well.

As long as our government finds it necessary to meddle in other cultures and attempt to tell them where they can live, how they can worship, and how they should run their governments, I suspect we will be stuck with the fact that a few of them are going to want to cause us harm.

I say rather than allow them to control us with fear and intimidation, and force us to try to stay one step ahead of barbarians who still use rocks as weapons by investing billions in technology, we just go back to the basics, and make 'em strip to get on the plane. Should work. Where do you want me to stack my clothes miss?

The Vatican Bowl

In the second annual Vatican Bowl, the Pope was sacked early by Susanna Maiolo for the second year in a row. The play was overturned, as she was penalized for unnecessary roughness on a Cardinal.

Merry Christmas _ Peace On Earth

Extra Money for Christmas?

I just saw a little story on GMA about putting microchips under the skin of pets, to be able to locate them in the event they are stolen or wander off. Than made me smile, and remember fondly, an old friend I had back in Austin. I was at his house one day many years ago when we were much younger, and I noticed that he had a really cool new dog, and I asked what his name was. His answer? "Well I don't plan to have him long, but I guess I should name him, huh? I was thinking either "Lost Dog", or "Reward".....what do you think?"

Yes Victoria Lolita, There is a Santa,,,,hehe

Well, the Vicad has outdone themselves with one of their brain trusts coming up with the question of the day:
At what age should patents have the talk with their children about Santa........

Well, with the trend of earlier maturity, it is a fact that computers are even in kindergarden classrooms these days. I'd guess that many kids have already Googled Santa for an e-mail address, so they could ask for a new netbook, or a monster new gaming machine,and learned the news that way.
Otherwise, I would say that parents in Victoria should, now that the one of the young Advocate cubicle reporters has let the cat in the hat out of the bag, and alluded to the fact that there are "issues" with Santa, that some other parents had better be ready to come clean with their children who read the news in the paper or online on The Advocate. Seriously, I have looked at their bio photos, and even met some of these "reporters" in person. A couple aren't even tall enough to ride the rides at Disney World, and they look like they may need booster seats in their car. Then there is another one (I won't name names, but a month of the year comes to mind), who basically writes like a chilld. I mean, the very fact that the "question of the day" was about the non-subject, speaks volumes about the kiddie staff there. In all likelihood, the survey was originated by one of the reporters who was just told the truth themselves this year (sit down son, now that you have a job at the newspaper, and your own car, there is something I think your mom and I should tell you) and felt that it was such a blockbuster scoop of a story that it just had to be exposed. Lordy, I hope whoever decided on putting this in the paper, has already lost all their baby teeth, or they are in for another rude shock(but yet another story) soon as well..............
On the other hand, I can think of at least one or two among the news staff, who probably put their wisdom teeth under their pillow.

I must admit that I had to read this question twice, then try to guess which person's age they were surmising about, the parents or the kids. My first answer was going to be "age 27, because there are a lot of 27 year old parents around there these days that have children that are getting close to time to be measured for their quinceanera dresses".

To all my friends, Have a cool yule!

Gabe's Cowboys and Attitude.........

You Might Not Be A Dog Person If.........

yeah, I know sounds like "You might be a redneck......" Well, in truth, these do go hand in hand. I heard a story on the 10:00 news about an ordinance in Nassau Bay up here, that prohibited keeping dogs on chains in your yard. That reminded me of this old boy I knew down in Pasadena.....that's as in Gilley's - Pasa-git down-god gamn-dena, the blue collar capitol of Texas, just east of Houston, under the green cloud. This guy worked with me, and he came in one day telling me of a dog he got for his kid, that lived in his back yard. Now for my money, if the dog isn't allowed inside, you probably aren't cut out for a dog as a pet. Anyway, he'd come in daily with a new story of the dog's creativity in digging out of the yard and how he'd whupped it and made the fence stronger. Finally one day, when he'd just about given up, he came in and told of how he'd chained the poor creature to one of those patio umbrella concrete bases, and knew for sure he'd still be there when he got home. Next day he came in and said that the night before, on the way home, he encountered the dog two blocks away from the house backing up the street pulling that anchor behind him, making his escape. It was at that point I finally told him "Mark, I think that pooch is trying to tell you he'd like a change of residence". I can see putting Ol'Blue out front on a rope for some fresh air on occasion, but if you have a 7' wooden fence and your dog is still tied up and consistently manages to shed his restraints and scale the walls, it could be that you just weren't meant to be a dog owner. Take it from a dog person who has to kick the dog off the bed so I can sleep from time to time. If a dog likes you, he'll stick around..........might drive you up a wall, but they are about as faithful and loving a critter as you'll ever find...much more so than most humans.

The Chopper and The Crabtrap Christmas Tree

........ya gotta admit, nothing says Christmas like that huh? Okay, this is just a little plug for my hometown. I am unofficially sworn to not say it's name, other than.....Adrift, but I'll tell you that if you are driving toward the coast, and you see Barkett's, you are there. If you find yourself in Port O'Connor, you have gone too far. I mention Barkett's, because I have eaten there since I was twelve. I once waded San Antonio Bay nights and gigged the flounder that old man Barkett was famous for serving to his guests, and just a couple of nights ago, I treated myself to a plate of amazing fried oysters there, with a scrumptious salad and a baked potato and a couple of O-Rings for good measure. These days the place is owned and operated by my dear old friend and classmate, Frances, and while the Wurlitzer juke box and the cherry cokes are but a memory, the service and the seafood and Mr. Barkett's stuffed flounder recipe, lives on better than ever for this generation.

Now at the risk of a minor dent in Frances's business, but likely not, I'd be remiss if I did not mention the new Boiling Pot, right across the street from the old Try Inn Cafe....er......Barkett's I mean. I have to say, that while it is a different experience from a nice sit down dinner in a restaurant that observes the old tradition of "dishes" and utensils, there is a unique charm to having a butcher paper covered table with your own personal pile of boiled new potatoes, corn on the cobb, and shrimp, crabs, sausage, or crawfish and a claw cracker and a roll of paper towels to hold you until you hit the cleanup trough on your way out. Good food to be sure, and again nice folks to serve you with a smile. For the kids, there are alternative things on the menu that they will find more recognizable that a pile of what looks it was dropped out of the sack of a net onto the deck of a shrimpboat. The folks there, as evidenced by the photos, are working on getting into the spirit of the season, though I'll have to admit their's is the first Christmas tree I have ever seem built from crab traps with a hurricane lamp for the angel on top. As far as the chopper goes, well hell....I have a hard time thinking of any occasion that a beautiful Seadrift.....oops!, Custom Chopper doesn't spruce up just a little. So while you are in town, think about a trip down Main Street to Seadrift Custom Choppers and have a look at the bikes. Tell Butch I said hello............and if you see my boys in there drooling over the merchandise, tell them it's time to come home.

Seems Like Only Yesterday...........

"Houston the largest city to elect openly gay mayor"..........

Wow! Seems like only yesterday, that we allowed openly black and openly female candidates to be elected to public office, and not that long ago, for those two demographic groups to vote. What's next? A gay black woman candidate? When and where will it stop?

Folks I have news for you. We here in Houston have elected Annise Parker to public office on six different occasions. She has done us a damn good job. That is why she is our mayor elect rather than a shady lawyer. Had nothing to do with sexual orientation or skin color. The best person for the job won, and I can't remember the last time anyone even mentioned her sexuality around here, before said sleazy lawyer's campaign geniuses thought it might be nifty to mention that little irrelevant tidbit.

Just shows how the rest of the country is starved for "dirty laundry", listening to CNN and the networks. So I suppose in closing, I should offer at one little bit of such news in the sports world:


Number one on PGA Tour

Breaking newsFox News and CNN have just reported that Elin Nordegren moved to the top of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday after ‘beating’ the world’s number one golfer.

The news came after the world’s number one golfer inadvertently played the wrong hole…

Breaking News.......Literally

Funny how cubicle based information gathering for a story, coupled with just writing down the first words that come to mind and then publishing it as news without at least one other set of eyes looking at it, can be so telling and at the same time, not say much at all. I'd like to be able to say that hey, it's just an online story that will be corrected when they proof it, but all too often, that isn't the case, and these little filler stories make it into the print edition, verbatim, without the scrutiny of a second glance by one of forty editors.

The story in question, was posted last night. I do have to confess, that I am prone to be on the critical side of the reporting and writing at this particular publication, and on occasion, I will actually rewrite stories just to see how it looks my way.....maybe I am spoiled by being in a large market where print news has a more refined and dare I say, edited look. So.....here goes:

"A Chevy Camaro rear-ended a Ford truck on Moody and Water streets on Friday night. The wreck sent two people to a local hospital.

The driver of the Camaro failed to slow as he near a crossing and thus rear-ended the truck, which was stopped at a stoplight, according to preliminary reports offered by Officer Robert Dial".

First, it appears that the accident happened on two separate streets, rather than on a street near an intersection with another. Then there is the poor grammar and Shakespearish summary of what actually happened:

"The driver of the Camaro failed to slow as he near a crossing and thus rear-ended the truck, which was stopped at a stoplight"........
Thus rear ended the truck? (Hey, it could have been thus smacked into the truck).

If you are going to write it like that, you should at the very least continue in character with the next line......something like "Quoth the policeman". "Nevermore".

While I suppose I should be ashamed of myself, picking on a young reporter, navigating their way through a weekend night, in a rudderless ship, I think someone needs to point needed corrections out to them, (say.....an editor) rather allow them to post such writing and have it make it to print. I see it as a reflection on both the writer and the "buck stops here" editor, to allow such mangled words into print.
Said editor has gone out of his way to show his online readers and those who would question him, that HE has the last word. You'd think that that same anal retentive quality would spill over into his paying day job too, and be reflected in the quality of the product that hits the streets.......wouldn't you?

I think that if anyone is dropping the ball here, it is the editor, allowing that kind of rube writing to make it into print, while at the same time doing a disservice to the young reporters by not correcting their work and teaching them the trade of writing. It appears, as I had been told a while back, that the editing is essentially if it fits print it. That stories are edited more for length than content...........

News Sillies - I Say Tomato, You Say To-mah-to.....

.....Sarah Palin says "duck!".
In National news:
Seems some goofy Norwegian(named Olsen, no less)flung a couple of vegetables(to say fruits would be another point of debate, and not politically correct anyway), at the former pinup Governor, at a book signing in the Mall of America.... I've been to Minnesota many times during the winter. As in Fairbanks, with the short days, such behavior is not uncommon there this time of the year, and tends to escalate until the summer thaw actually......He probably should have packed some lefse, Old Style, and ludefisk, and gone ice fishing instead of to the mall.....

As an afterthought, there was a little research blurb in Yahoo News this morning. It was titled "Your Love Life Is In Your Hands"........
I assume they were referring to those droughts we all tend to experience, but then any number of teenage boys could have told us that.

On the local front:
The Houston Fire Department held a press conference today to announce the results of their investigation into accusations of departmental discrimination in the wake of racism and sexism claims by two female firefighters, one white, the other black, who reported incidents they claim were intended to intimidate them. At the news conference, the HFD official said that there were no widespread problems in the department.......it has been rumored, that a few others within the rank and file while agreeing with the report, suggested that as a way to improve morale in the department, it would be a good faith effort on the part of management to hire more white males, and fewer women, blacks, and don't ax, don' tells, yankees, and Katrina refugees.

(As a disclaimer I must add that I have the utmost admiration, and respect and appreciation of the job that most first responders do) I have heard stories of some others - from people who should know.....

And in traffic.......in a story reminiscent of the Vicad's propensity to create a story where there is none, there is a report of a car in the bayou, near Chimney Rock and Hillcroft. I say "story where there isn't one", because as anybody who drives in Houston traffic on a regular basis knows, traffic is usually light in the bayou at that time of the day anyway.

Then there is the unfolding Tiger Woods saga......seems two more women have come forward, one a Waffle House waitress and the other a porn star, to claim their own spot in line in the Tiger by the tail tryst chronicles. To compound Tiger's woes, at 2:30 AM EST, his milf-in-law was transported to the same hospital Tiger was on Friday, complaining of stomach pains. Rumors are that she actually choked on a Swedish meatball, when Tiger's wife told her how much he was offering her to stay married to him and to not leave him. In the ensuing confusion, she was injured when Elin attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her with a nine iron........

Complacent Texas Defense Contractor Sleeps Through Contract Negotiations and Loses A Birds Nest On the Ground

This facility is ten miles west of my residence. Several of my neighbors are employed there. They have guaranteed jobs through January, last I heard. I don't think this was a Dems vs Republican'ts issue, as much as it was just a matter of complacency on the part of the fat cats wallowing in the spoils of the waning days of a prosperous last deal, failing to notice that the jig was almost up, and that maybe a bit of posturing and palm greasing and oh, research into who the competition might be, was in order. In other words, "you snooze, you lose". If I were them, rather than waiting on K. B.utchinsin, and Guvner Goodhair to whine and cry foul and try to get the apparently better bid tossed out, what if they tried a new approach, and went looking for another project to bid on? It's not like war is going out of fashion anytime soon. Hell, check with the Afghan gunmint, or the Chinese. We are so up to our butts in hock to some cultures we once regarded as third world, maybe it's time to pay the fiddler, and listen to the Chinese Commies piss and moan about having to put up with inferior products that say "Made in America" for a change.......

An Advocate Kind Of Day.......

I find myself really torn when tempted to pounce on the folks at the Victoria Advocate for their almost Laurel and Hardy slapstick approach to reporting, editing, and managing a daily newspaper. On the one hand, I try to tell myself to consider the caliber of the management, and the size of the market, and cut Cobler's Kids some slack for what they have allowed it to become. On the other hand, I recall what a once respectable, and professionally presented daily it was to fetch from the driveway, and read the likes of Jim Bishop, Henry Wolf and Pat Hathcock, and see the type of feature stories, national, state and local news stories, columns, and serious editorial issues that one expects from a real newspaper.

Of late it has taken on the appearance of a tabloid rag, and the reporting, editing, and layout are simply down the dumper. Each edition is expected to be loaded with spelling and grammatical gaffes, and week old local news, and riveting stories of things like two cars that didn't crash into one another, or a hijacked order of McNuggets on the hoof from an outlying suburb's Mickey D's.......and that is just in the print edition. And as further proof of their cluelessness, their "medical reporter" is online, appealing to his (legions of) followers, to drop him a line and give him the names of friends who are struggling with AIDS or are HIV positive. How is that for both inconsiderate and ballsy? That's called coffeeshop and or cubicle based begging for a story reporting folks. Dare I tackle the issues with their online circus? You know, the one area that their esteemed editor is supposed to be a whiz kid in?

That is debatable at best. He seems to be obsessed lately, despite claims to the contrary, with getting in the LAST WORD, and micromanaging the online content and those who offer any input to HIS FORUMS. I am learning just how powerful a Blackberry can be.......
But then, seeing what gets posted there, is becoming more comical by the day, regardless of how long it is allowed to stay, before it gets nuked by the BOSS.

While it is obvious that Cobler is personally riding herd on the online Vicad, and has his underlings armed with hatchets as well, there are a number of folks just rubbing his nose in his you know what, and he doesn't even realize it. Take the new guy, "BigolJay, going crazy today......just being a pain, and using an obvious name referenced to the late littlej. Then there is Gay4matt, and g4further, and who knows how many more. These folks slipping back in and using multiple ambiguous screennames to wreak havoc on the forums has become commonplace there. My friend Furthur tried to toe the line, but apparently went one toke over........with his copy of my Christmas rant......

On top of all of that, I was "permanently" banned from commenting on the Vicad webcast this morning........funny thing was Gabe apparently did it. I could see Cobler when it happened(my banishment in mid sentence), and he was across the room from Gabe who was moderating. Now I wasn't watching his hands that closely, so maybe Cobler was doing his Palladin "Have Blackberry, will travel", impersonation.......
And as a parting shot, the moderator cleared the comments at the end of the meeting, rather than leaving them up until they start the meeting again tomorrow. As the photo above indicates, I saved a copy........

The Kid In Me............

........got me busted again at the Advocate today...twice, but that I will save for the next post.
I just heard the weather folks on the local TV stations allude to the possibility of a little snow here at weeks end. I will confess to being a weather junkie, and a bit of a storm chaser as well. But there is something about the slightest hint that it may snow, that makes me revert to a wide eyed ten year old. I think it's just the novelty of it, being from the south, and seeing it so rarely down here that makes my pulse speed up at the prospect, and that will have me outside when the day arrives, peering into the night sky, praying for some flakes to appear in the glow of the porch light. I guess the phenomenon with me is just like with real estate value - location, location, location.....It is so rare we see snow here, that it is a treat for all us kids, young and old. I am sure that when I mention the forecast to my boys, they will begin praying for a snow day off from school. Myself, I will be wishing for the freak occurrence of a big dump like the lower coast got a few years ago so I can break out my snow chains and find the closest steep freeway off ramp that is closed to press into service as a ski run. Might as well try for the news at six and ten, huh? like I said.......The kid in me.......